Safe Luxury

short jokes - amusing or not?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... I recently moved into a new apartment, and there was this switch on the wall that didn't do anything... so anytime I had nothing to do, I'd just flick that switch up and down...up and down...up and down.... Then one day I got a letter from a woman in Germany...it just said, "Cut it out." I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time. I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. I collect rare photographs... I have one of Houdini locking his keys in his car. When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...... I was an only child........ Eventually. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store... I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again. I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious! I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mum said, "Son, time to go to sleep" I said "But I don't know how." She said, "It's really easy. Just go down to the end of tired and turn left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I turned right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

Public Comments

1. I'm sorry but those didn't give me a laugh. Nice try though. Star for effort.
2. ha ha ha, had a damn good chuckle at those, well done, lol
3. 2nd, 5th, 6th, and last one......awesome
4. very amusing lol
5. hahahah i liked it...its my turn now... SANTA'S NEW BACK UP LINES!! 1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh? 2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf? 3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you! 4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip? 5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister! 6. Some of my best toys run on batteries. 7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it) 8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you? 9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list! 10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
6. Those are great. thanks
7. ha ha ha good ones.
8. Hahahahaha I love your sense of humour.