Safe Luxury

How do I make my wife feel safe in our home?

My wife and I live in a very safe suburban neighborhood and have a security system installed that is linked to ADT. Even with all this, my wife will occasionally hear a noise (when home alone) and call me at work and expect me to drive home and inspect the house for intruders. It has gotten to the point where she CANNOT sleep if she hears a noise at night and I am not home. If any door lock is unlocked and she does not specifically remember unlocking it, she assumes the worst; that someone is in the house and is intending to harm her. She tells me that's just the way it is, but I want her to be able to feel safe in our home with the doors locked and the security system armed. I hear this is a common problem for women but have not been able to find any books on the subject or anything online. Does anyone else see my wife's point of view? Has anyone had this irrational fear before and gotten over it? Please let me know. I thought the security system would make her feel safer, but it seems she doesn't trust it much either...

Public Comments

1. Get her a puppy! If someone would try to get in, the dog would alert everyone.
2. She sounds overly paranoid. I would take her to see a therapist to figure out why she feels this way. That is not normal.
3. I think its PUPPY time. :) My sister was always afraid of the dark, noises ect. Parents got a Husky, he was vicious. Perfect match for the problem :)
4. When I went through this, I got smart and got me a German Shepard. He was the BEST!! He heard noises before I did and he wasn't afraid to go and investigate them either. Get a dog. He will also give her company when your not home.
5. I am not trying to delve into her personal affairs, but maybe she has the fear due to something in her past or an experience she has. Maybe its a serious phobia. If you have tried everything, perhaps you can try to convince her to talk to a professional, and there is nothing wrong with that.
6. This is not a safety issue, this is a control issue. I'm sure she is not intentionally doing this, it sounds like she has experienced some sort of trauma that's coming out now as her being scared. If so, she needs to deal with the trauma, maybe through counseling. She is insecure and want you to provide her with security. She is a big girl and needs to learn how to rely on herself. You can help her, but you can't do it for her.
7. It does sounds like "irrational fear". She may need to talk to a counselor about her "fears". As far as sleeping, and hearing noises, etc.. perhaps try some "white noise". A fan on in the bedroom, or waterfall, etc... Kudos to you though, for caring enough and taking her fears seriously. Best of luck!!
8. Pray... that is what i do when my hubby isn't come and i feel uneasy about something. God didn't give us a spirit of fear..remember that! Before you leave your wife everyday pray that God would send His angels to surround your house and protect your family. Trust me...He will!!!!
9. a good german shepherd dog. when you and her are in the bed room you need to lock and bolt the door. and put a chair up agaisnt the door. she might be having metal problems. have a doc. check on her. her mind might be going. could she get a job. she might have too much time on her hands.