Safe Luxury

How is my story going so far? Please, I need reviews? :)?

Its about a fairy who gets adopted by humans and has to hide her magical powers: A typical day in my fairy house involved me delivering the pixey newspaper, coming home, and working on turning my homework into a frog. My parents were delighted at how fast my magic was excelling even though I was merely six years old. They were always pleased when I transformed an ordinary object into something magical, even if it did turn into an enormous ravenous bear. They constantly showered me with hugs or patted me on the back and said “Great job, Alyssa.” I remember having a massive grin on my face whenever my parents were proud of me. But one day, it all drastically altered. Our fairy chief decided it was time to move Pixeyville to somewhere safe because one solitary fairy almost gave away our hiding spot. This involved the millions of fairies to pack up their valuables and fly for hours and hours to our new location. Of course, when there’s chaos, there’s always Trolls . I remember we were flying down an alley to cross into Goblin Drive when we heard faint footsteps behind us, coming closer and closer every second. My parents looked back and I remember they started tugging on my hand and we started to progress quicker down the alley. They kept telling me not to look back and keep my eyes on the road straight ahead. The footsteps approached quicker and it sounded like the followers were coming closer. Before I knew it, my dad let go of my hand and flew backward to the trolls. Trolls are these horrendous creatures that go on killing sprees when there is chaos around Pixeyville, usually when it’s moving time. They wear black pants up to there waist and a red shirt with a big white ‘T’ printed on the front. They wear tall pointed black and red hats that are probably bigger then there whole body. I remember looking back and saw the trolls pushing my father down the alley and into a door. I started screaming frantically while looking at my frightened mom. “It’s okay Alyssa, just keep moving.” We started flying forward as fast as we could and I could hear my mothers strenuous breathing. Again, I heard the trolls come out of the door and start following me and my mother. My breathing quickened rapidly as me and my mother, hand in hand, tried to make it to Goblin Drive. I wanted to be in an open road with witnesses and open air, not in a stuffy ally. I heard the troll snicker behind me before it grabbed my mother by the wings and pulled her to the back of the ally. I turned around and started screaming. “No, give me my mother back! Give her back you Trolls!” I yelled as loud as I could as I ran toward them. The troll headed for the door with my mom’s wings gripped in his hard fists. I saw my mom mouth ‘I love you’ before the troll took her inside. The troll that took my father came outside, probably to capture me also. But before he could get to me, I heard the policaries car siren approaching and it stopped a few feet behind me. The troll’s eyes widen and he started backing up toward the building. The policaries quickly grabbed the troll, handcuffed him, and pushed him in the car. As for my mother, she was already in the same building as my dad. I told the policaries that my parents were in the building and they rushed inside with there bats and guns. I stood outside anxiously waiting. I felt a bead of sweat drip down from my forehead onto my shoulder. I started pacing up and down the alley while thinking of all the possibilities. I flinched, and stopped thinking altogether. Finally, the policaries came out with about five trolls in handcuffs but I saw no sign of my mom and dad. I ran to the nearest cop and demanded where my parents were. At first, the officer just stared at me with a sadden expression, but then he started to talk. “I’m very sorry but we couldn’t get to your parents in time.” Was all he said… and walked away. I leaned against the brick wall and fell down on the ground with my hand in my face. I remember sobbing and weeping and actually falling asleep in the alley due to exhaustion.

Public Comments

1. I actually recommend NOT posting your story on this Q/A. People are dishonest and will steal your ideas. If you want personal help, make sure you get on a more reliable site that is more for questions like this.
2. I think it would make a good children's book if you made it simpler but I don't find it appealing for young adult or adult readers.