Safe Luxury

Why she left her husband...?

A woman is going about her work in a bank, minding her own business. All of a sudden, a man walks in wearing a ski mask with a gun in his hand. He approaches the counter, points it at her and says: "Alright, open the vault!" "But this is a sperm bank, we don't keep money in the vault!" "Alright, open the safe and pull out a sample!" "But..." "JUST DO IT!!!" She opens the safe, and pulls out a little vial of seed. "Alright, now drink it!!" "What!?" "DRINK IT!!!" She drinks it. "Now drink another." She does. After wards, the man pulls off his mask, revealing himself to be her husband. "Now, was that so bad?" Two brothers, ages ten and eight, are in their upstairs bedroom, playing with matchbox cars. The ten-year-old says: "You know what? We're old enough now, we should be able to start using swear words. Why don't we start in the morning?" His brother agrees, and they both go to bed. The next morning, their mother calls them and asks: "Alright boys, what do you want to have for breakfast?" The ten year old says: "Hmm... what the f#$k, i think I'll have french toast." Immediately, his mother pulls out a paddle and starts hitting him with it. She smacks him repeatedly with it and sends him up to his room without breakfast. She turns to the other and says: "What do YOU want for breakfast?" "I dunno, but you can bet your f#$king @$$ I don't want any french toast." Three guys die and go to hell: a white guy, a chinese guy, and a black guy. Satan stands before them and says: "Alright, I've run out of room, so I'm going to let you guys go. But first, I have to punish you in some way. Put your d***s in my hand." The white guy does it, and Satan makes it melt right off of his crotch. The chinese guy does it, and it melts right off, but when the black guy does it, nothing happens. Satan asks: "What the hell? Why isn't it working?" The black guy responds: "Didn't your mother ever teach you? Chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hands."

Public Comments

1. Ha ha ha ha, a lot of funny stuff there,well done, lol...!
2. lol I really like the last one.
3. hahaha! i already heard the first, but the last two were hilarious!
4. The first and last one is funny, the middle one is kinda rude.