Safe Luxury

I need reviews for my short story before I turn it in class next week.?

Oblivion August 19th, 2004 scientists conclude global warming as a mandatory threat to humanity.” Now please welcome our high school, class of 2004, valedictorian,” the principal announced. Troy Meldo walked silently up to the stage, his hands sweaty, his mind turning all corners as if he were trying to find the solution to a difficult and rigorous math problem. His family peers, and all guest clapping as if he was just elected the new governor of state or something. As Troy spoke his well thought out speech all who gazed assumed he was thinking about his future, how he would plan it, and just about everything a current valedictorian would think about. Little did everyone know all that was going through Troy’s mind was whether he would see the love of his life in the upcoming years? Samantha who had moved to California was always the up most importance to Troy. All Troy ever thought about was her perfect brunet hair, her beautiful brown eyes, and her wonderful smile that would be responsible for his eyes to awake in the morning. Samantha’s body was very slim but Troy being the gentlemen he was always looked past her sum what flat body look, even though his friends would always ridicule him that she was flat. Aside Samantha, Troy had his whole future ahead of him. The year 2008, political tensions grow as Barack Obama is elected the new president of the United States. Multiple members of the forgotten Ku Klux Klan riot outside of the White House. Troy has now legally married Samantha and has finished college. Though Samantha is currently visiting her mother in Florida, and political tensions are at a high Troy still finds time in his life to work at his Doctors Firm and still make it home in time to see the beautiful smile he fell in love with. May 5th, 2010 Barack Obama has been shot during a political speech. The criminal has also been shot and killed. Vice President Hilary Clinton takes control. The Life of Troy Meldo is now perfect. He has a wonderful high paying carrier, a wonderful soul mate, and now two children, a boy and a girl. But little did troy know, life was far from being perfect. December 23rd, 2012 NASA makes first human to extraterrestrial contact. January 14, 2013 aliens begin to exterminate humans, saying “you humans have no right to live in this planet because you are incapable of taking care of it.” “You pitiful humans were not even capable of solving such a simple task of eliminating global warming”. The aliens concluded that they would rebuild planet Earth and never let it become such a terrible place to live as we humans have made it. With only so many humans left on Earth Troy wonders is Samantha still alive. Is her warm heart still beating, are his children safe, where are they he’s wondering to himself. April 3rd, 2013 all humans have been wiped off the face of the Earth with only few surviving. As Troy lies on the cold, cracked street of Beverly Hills, only an inch away from death he wonders to himself by saying” what was the point of him growing up, what was the point of him becoming successful and having a wonderful family if all that would become of his world was oblivion? Troy, Tory wake up sweaty your going your be late for school kid-o. Troy with a relieved face hugged his mom as hard as he could. “Mommy I had the most scariest and terrible dream”, Troy could not stop repeating the words. “Its o.k. honey it was only a dream, she said. But deep down Troy knew there was more to the dream then either he or his mother anticipated. Troy understood what, and why he had such a horrific dream. August 19th, 2004 Scientists conclude global warming as a mandatory threat to humanity. The year 2008, Troy Meldo is elected president of the United States of America. May 5th, 2010 global warming is officially a non threat to humanity by world scientist and world leaders. December 23rd, 2012 NASA makes first human to extraterrestrial contact. January 14th, 2013 Alien beings are legally made planet Earth Citizens. April 3rd, 2013 planet earth officially made an alien tourist spot. Troy now was the leader of the unites states, living with his childhood friend Samantha as his first lady, and his two beautiful children who he could see from a far playing with little alien children were now the most important things in his life. Though deep in his conscience Troy still wonders was his dream he had as a child a wake up call or was it something more. All Troy knows now is he is what separated planet Earth from what it is know and oblivion.

Public Comments

1. Well it ain't gonna win the pulitzer prize, but it seems reasonable enough as school homework to me. In the first paragraph, don't say "governor of state or something.". The "or something" is a lazy phrase that says to the reader "I can't be assed to thing what else it might be. Check your spelling. Brunette is spelled wrong, and afar is one word. They may be others, but I've done enough of your homework for you. I can't wait for the sequel ;-)
2. The story is good, but your spelling and punctuation need alot of help....... stop relying on the spell check, it doesn't take into context what the word is a part of...... Don't forget to keep track of which tense you are talking in .... (past present future), and make sure you don't mix them up in the same sentence..............